I just started reading the Book of Mormon again from the
beginning. I am doing the 90-day Book of Mormon challenge from the Stake
Presidency. I noticed a few things in my reading today that I do not remember
noticing before. First of all, so many of us view Nephi as this strong,
possibly infallible, amazing prophet and leader. Few recognize that he also
struggled with his faith at times. At the beginning of the Book of Mormon when
Lehi is first telling his family that they will be leaving Jerusalem, Nephi
says, “I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my
heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father;
wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.” (1 Nephi 2:16)
That struck me because Nephi had to have his heart softened. His initial
reaction was not wanting to leave Jerusalem. He had to pray to understand God’s
will and then choose to act on it in faith. This has personal application for
me in MANY examples, but one of the most recent was the initial move to Yakima.
When Kyle told me he thought the entire family should move for his one year
duty, I did NOT want to do it. I agreed to pray about it. Heavenly Father
softened my heart. I and my family have received MANY blessings as a result of
that desire to do Father’s will in spite of my understanding and will.
I also was struck by Sariah when her sons had returned to
Jerusalem to get the brass plates from Laban. She became extremely worried
about her sons. They took a long time to get to and from Jerusalem. I’ve always
noticed that she grumbled and complained against her husband during this time.
I had not really thought about her doubts in her husband’s role as a prophet
who also received specific revelation for their family. In 1 Nephi chapter 5, a
few things stood out to me. In verse 2, Sariah is highly sarcastic toward her
husband Lehi. When she calls him a visionary man, it is with derision. In verse
4, however, Lehi comforts her by affirming that he is, in fact, a visionary man
– not someone looking toward the future with his own vision of how things should
be, but someone who has received specific direction from God in vision. He uses
the same words from a different angle and thus comforts her. He bears testimony
of the goodness of God and his certainty that God will deliver their sons from
harm and give them a promised land for their inheritance and benefit. Verse 8
especially struck me with this reading. “And she spake, saying: Now I know of a
surety that the Lord hath commanded my husband to flee into the wilderness;
yea, and I also know of a surety that the Lord hath protected my sons, and
delivered them out of the hands of Laban, and given them power whereby they
could accomplish the thing which the Lord hath commanded them. And after this
manner of language did she speak.” My understanding from this verse is that she
also did not want to leave Jerusalem. It seems to me that she went only because
she was committed to her husband, not because she had received her own
revelation or answer to prayer that this was the right thing. Once her sons
returned to her whole, however, she was able to see the hand of God in their
lives and recognize that her husband truly was led by the Spirit. She had
received a sign. This struck me because Nephi received personal revelation and
had his heart softened before they left Jerusalem. He then shared that
information with his older brother Sam who seems (from all future reading) to
have followed without complaint. Laman and Lemuel mention further on that they
never have prayed for clarity or confirmation. Sariah, the prophet Lehi’s wife,
followed only because she was married to him. Once she had her confirmation,
however, she waivered significantly less. It just struck me that Sariah doubted
until she had a sign. Nephi believed once he had the confirmation of the
Spirit. The Spirit’s confirmation of truth and willingness to guide is so much
stronger than any sign or even obedience for the sake of obedience (as Laman
and Lemuel demonstrate). Nephi frequently sought confirmation through prayer.
Every time he sought confirmation, he received it. Not always did he receive a
fullness of answers or understanding, but always he received a softened heart,
comfort, and peace – even in the midst of trial, challenge, and familial
problems. I want to be more like Nephi. I have had times like Sariah. I have
had times like Laman and Lemuel where I obeyed only because it was expected of
me. I have had times like Nephi. The reminder of personal confirmation and personal
revelation hits home. We are still in the midst of trying to find a new rental
home. We are still in the process of getting our home in Utah ready to sell. We
have a few things still up in the air. We also have the confirmation from many
of our own experiences that “the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children
of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing
which he commandeth them” (1 Nephi 3:7). He wants us to stay in Yakima. We like
the idea. We simply are still trying to find that way that He has prepared. We
trust Him. We have had our times of doubt, questioning, confusion, and pushing
forward. I look forward to the rejoicing once we find the way He has prepared.
